Hold on for one more day

The last day of camp is tomorrow. We’ve planned our book event at the park and I think it will turn out well. And if not, at least it will be over tomorrow! We went to the National Constitution Center today. It really wasn’t that great, especially for young kids. We saw a “play” which consisted of one guy talking and some b-roll behind him. Surrounding the theater was the main exhibit which only took about 30 minutes to walk through. The best part was a portion called Signer’s Hall which had life-sized statues of all the signers of the Constitution. I took some pictures of the kids with the statues.

After we figured out that there was nothing left to do there we walked across the street to Franklin Park which had a really neat playground and a beautiful fountain. Here are two more campers on a neat interpretation of a seesaw.

I’m supposed to be writing a reflection paper about the whole experience on Philadelphia. It’s a lot to think about and it’s always easier to think of the negative things than the positive ones. The truth is it hasn’t been an easy summer. There’s been a lot of challenges and a lot of adjustments. I’ve felt out of place and unneeded while also feeling desperately necessary. I would like to think that I’ve grown and changed because of the summer. Two apparent and important developments that have been made are my discovering to pursue a career in nursing and the experience of becoming a part of such a diverse community. In my conversations with Pastor Kopp he asked me what I learned about service as a whole. I’m not exactly sure if I learned too much. One thing I can say is that you must really put all of yourself into the service you’re doing. Otherwise you are depriving yourself as well as the person you are serving. Depriving them of the light of God inside of you and depriving you of the light that lies within them. It’s the connection between people based on caring that makes a real difference. Whenever you do short term mission it seems that there are four obvious but significant portions of the trip. You must jump in, make a connection, show caring through service, and gracefully goodbye. I say “jump in” because in short term mission you can’t waste time feeling uncomfortable. It is important to establish yourself as part of the group as much as possible. That leads to making a connection. It’s better to make individual connections with people rather than viewing your service as something to a mass of people. Through that individuality you can really show caring as you identify the personal needs of others. The graceful goodbye is the part that I feel that I will be experiencing for the first time. Pastor Kopp really stressed “the importance of our comings and goings” and he’s right. To properly dignify the relationships that I’ve made here it is important to let everyone know that they’ve made an impact on my life. In the past I haven’t been very good at goodbyes and I’m realizing that’s something I need to work on.

“Sometimes, when you’re not around, I like to do handstands” (- me, to Brittany)

It’s just beginning to hit me that there is really only one week left in Philly. It’s going to be a busy week too. First, we have to work until 5:00 because Mr. Bennie is on vacation this week. We are also planning our second Summer Reads event for this Friday. This one will take far less coordination of people which is a plus but we are hoping to have it in a local park so if the weather doesn’t cooperate we’re screwed. I know that we should probably plan a rain date or separate location but I don’t so much want to do that. It would be like planning two completely separate events in addition to ridiculously long work days without any break. Add onto that all the things we have planned for after work this week and it gets pretty exhausting.

I visited the Philadelphia Museum of Art this afternoon. The massive marble and stone building was itself enough for me to look at all day long, never mind all the works that are housed inside. Sometimes it surprises me when people my own age do not have the same taste and interests that I do. Upon walking into the building the first place I wanted to visit was the Contemporary and Modern Art wing, of course. I really didn’t expect that Becca would most want to visit the European Art 1100-1500 wing. Paintings of icons and other “Jesus stuff”, as she put it, aren’t very exciting to me. I don’t deny that the artists are extremely talented but how many times do we need to see the Virgin Mary holding a perfectly peach baby Jesus? (After some consideration I don’t consider that statement sacrilegious.) At least we were all in agreement that the Arms and Armor section didn’t need more than a 10 minute walk through. It was a really nice afternoon but at this point I’m regretting the decision not to purchase a Matisse coloring book.

On Saturday Brittany and I walked around King of Prussia Mall for about 4 and a half hours. It’s the second largest mall in the nation. You would think after trying on almost every dress in the mall I would have been able to find something to wear to Keith and Leslie’s wedding but I didn’t. So we decided to drop into our old standby: Target. I found a cute skirt and top to wear so I hope it will all be acceptable. This is really only my third wedding and the first was too long ago to remember. I’m not really sure about the attire but I’m sure Leslie won’t care anyway. The day is about them not me!

After a lot of phone calls and such I’m pretty sure I have a ride home from the airport on the 11^th. My mom kept telling me that my dad was getting me and then my dad told me that my mom was getting me. My sister is moving into her apartment that day and I don’t really have any other relatives to come get me. So really if you’re interested in giving me a ride it’s probably still an option. You know you want to.

Crab Fries

This was actually written last Wednesday but because of my crappy internet service and overall laziness I didn't get it posted until tonight.

Only 6 more camp days left. It seems like just as I’m getting comfortable it’s time to leave. I think it will be a bitter-sweet goodbye next Friday. I am certainly ready to go home but I never want to forget the kids or my time in Philadelphia.

Brittany is heading to a conference in Maryland for her school and since she had a day off I decided to try to weasel a personal day for myself. I told Lynn in the morning that I was “uncomfortable walking alone so early in the day.” That’s a lie. I have walked that way alone a few times and while it’s not my favorite thing to do I would have managed. She told me that I should catch a bus which definitely would not have happened. I will take the small risk of walking alone before I pay $3 to ride for only a few minutes. At the end of the conversation I figured my plan had failed. Later in the day however, she came up to me and told me that I could just take a day off. I don’t know what changed her mind but I’m glad about it. I haven’t been feeling very well anyway and having a day to sleep in would be great.

Last night I went to a Phillies game with Pastor Kopp, Bill and Brittany. We really had a great time. P Kopp knows the stadium by heart and gave us the grand tour. I bought my first Philadelphia souvenir- a Phillies T-shirt touting my new favorite player’s name, #11 Jimmy Rollins. We ate bratwursts and crab fries and settled into our seats in right field. We didn’t catch any fly balls but Rollins did hit a home run solely due to my support. The Phillies won the game 4-3; it couldn’t have worked out better.

Last weekend was spent at Brittany’s farm in York. She organized all her friends for a weekend of partying and Hershey Park. It was really cool to see where and how she lives. Almost everything in the house is original to it. There is no air conditioning, dishwasher or cable. The walls have the original horsehair wallpaper and the cracks near the windows and ceiling only add to the house’s charm. Her parents are a riot. Some of the nicest and most outgoing people I’ve ever met. Meeting them has helped me to understand Brittany a lot more. All of her friends were nice and Hershey Park was fun. The first night I was a little hesitant to get into things. I think seeing how close her group is made me nostalgic for home. I was also pretty tired so I went to bed early. The next day was a lot more fun and a lot more of what I hoped the weekend would be, time with people my own age that are smart, laid back and fun to be around. I was able to let loose a little bit Saturday night and woke up on Sunday with no regrets. I worry a little bit about spending three more days on the farm in two weeks though. My allergies were acting up like crazy around all those animals. And it’s weird for me to say “my allergies” because at home I’m not allergic to anything. Also, there is a teeny tiny kitten there that I was able to hold. Cutest. Thing. Ever.

The murder count in Philadelphia is up to 230 for 2007. That’s more than one murder for every day so far this year. I think there were six last weekend alone. It’s really shocking to me how complacent people have become around here. There was a shooting that killed three people in a crowded bar the other night. No one saw anything. People must be afraid to talk to the police or there is a wide fear of being a snitch. It’s not only the public; it’s the government here as well. The gun laws in Pennsylvania allow you to buy an unlimited number of guns in a day. And the mayor would rather spend his time waiting in line for a new iPhone than go into the office for the day. It’s interesting how the culture of Philadelphia has been affected by this violence and how it works to perpetuate such actions. The kids in our camp glamorize violent behavior. Some have family members, people that they love and respect that are in jail right now. I overheard a conversation on the subway between two guys around my age about how they used to get in fights on their block to establish leadership among the kids that lived in the area. One retold a story about how he saw someone he knew get shot and die in the street when they didn’t move their bicycle out of the way soon enough. When these things are so normal it’s easy to ignore the news stories and the rising murder count becomes more of a novelty than a gruesome fact.

"You don't want to date gentlemen. You want to date players and rough riders"

As it turns out our ratty old gym is a good place to meet single guys. Today I met a guy from South Korea. He is here going to school and when I told him I was from Florida he said, in broken English, “Oh, Miami… C…S…I!” I tried to explain that I wasn’t from Miami but more from the Tampa area. I thought he asked if I could take him to Florida with me sometime but later realized he might have asked if I could talk with him about Florida sometime. The entire discourse was very awkward and probably hilarious to watch if not because of my lack of communication skills but also because I was drenched with sweat. The other guy I met happened to be with his mom and looking for a restroom. They were waiting to sign his lease and since I have such a nice face they inquired where they might find one. I told them I was going to the gym downstairs and that there was one there. Turns out the ladies room door was locked so that meant the guy and his mom had to take separate turns using the men’s room. While the mother waited she asked me if I was going to school and then about the internship program; all very nice and normal. Then when the guy came out to wait I asked him if he was going to school and about moving into his own place. He was quick to explain that when your mother is standing in the way of your life’s happiness it’s time to move out. After an awkward laugh on my part the conversation was over. I never said the guys were fun and interesting, just single. Possibly the caliber of the gym is proportional to the caliber of man you find within it.

I had another meeting with Pastor Kopp today that did not end in tears. I count that as a success. I talked with him about my idea to pursue nursing and he offered some interesting insight that I will consider when planning for the future. He also showered me with compliments about my “progress” and about the “enlivening of my spirit”. It sounds corny now but it’s always nice to hear someone compliment your spirit.

My relationships with the kids are definitely starting to blossom. Stephen and Andrew are the cutest little boys. They are my comfort when I begin to feel like all kids must be disrespectful. Ralston is starting to really open up to me. I think that people have not expected enough of him in his life. He seems to have a keen awareness of other people’s feelings and personalities. Even though you will always have to tell him something twice we’re finally at the point where he doesn’t simply disregard me. He shared his homemade cookies with me and gave me a hug today. It was the best moment of the week so far. He’s also reminded me that it’s important to talk to kids about things other than punishments. If all you ever do is yell at someone they will learn not to hear you. There is one Asian girl in my group. Her name is Cierra. She’s really starting to come out of her shell which is just great. We have a dance instructor come each Tuesday to dance with the kids and today we did a soul train line. When it was Cierra’s turn to dance down the center she went all out. It was adorable. Somehow her dance moves looked almost identical to those of the dancers in the game DDR. Another camper that I’m really impressed with is Jaide. There is a mentally handicapped boy in our class and she always takes time to play with him during the day and not in the way that the other kids do. She seems to be very aware of his limitations and she takes her cues from him. If he wants to go backward on the game board instead of forward she has no problem with that. She’s showing that she has expanded past the concrete functioning that the other children still display as well as her genuinely caring nature. The job is slowly getting better in many ways. While it’s still not something I would want to do for my whole life it’s certainly something I can do for 3 more weeks.

Top 10

Things I miss about home
1. Publix
2. Gator's memorabilia everywhere
3. Color TV with more than 4 channels
4. A couch
5. A safe place to run outside
6. A microwave
7. The beach
8. Tijuana Flats
9. My bike
10. Free laundry

(This list is not exhaustive and obviously does not include my family and friends.)

Things I will miss about Philadelphia
1. Having Brittany around at all times
2. Philly cheese steaks
3. The subway and Regional Rail
4. Center City
5. Going on free trips every Thursday
6. ABC 10 news theme song
7. The people I met at St. Paul's including Becca, Ben, and P Kopp
8. Watching my 7 year old campers wu tang battle
9. Watching drug busts outside my window
10. Having even the most boring places feel new and exciting

Keep the wind at your back and the sun on your face

There are only 15 camp days left, 3 weeks until the internship ends, 4 weeks until I’m home, 5 weeks until I’m back in Gainesville.

After having a meeting with Pastor Kopp last Tuesday I’ve been thinking a lot about the future, about who I am and who I will become. In less than an hours time he figured out that I am not only afraid of any kind of commitment but also that I don’t trust very many people to see who I really am. I thought that I had resolved a majority of these kinds of issues in the past two years but as he pointed out, there is always more work to be done. During the meeting I found myself becoming very angry at him. How dare he point out all of my major character flaws? How dare he tell me that even with all of the emotional work I’ve done I still haven’t gotten very far? How dare he judge my parents, whom he doesn’t even know? How dare he see right through me? Coming into this internship I wrote that I wanted to avoid taking the easy way out of certain situations only to realize that I take the easy way out of every situation. I have never had a best friend or a lifelong friend. All of my relationships are shallow and when we stop seeing each other regularly those relationships end. And now I fear this more than anything. The past two years in college have been so fantastic. I’ve met people that I love and that I’ve been myself around. I’ve made the best friends I’ve ever had, people that I truly miss when I’m not around them. I do not want to get to graduation and feel like I’m leaving my friends, that I have to start all over again somewhere new. I want to make friends that will last forever; I just don’t know how to do that. Probably the most frustrating thing that P Kopp said to me was that there is nothing that I can do about it. Well, he told me to pray that God puts people in my life that will be there for me. But I feel like He has. I feel that there are people that would be there for me if only I would let them in. So I guess that is what I should pray about but you know, when you feel so helpless in a situation, telling someone to pray is almost patronizing.

At this point I just want to be in Gainesville where I am happy and where life is good. I know who I am and what I should be doing. I know I shouldn’t just rest on this contentment and it is at school where the majority of the work is to be done. I want to build up the relationships I have and make them lasting. I want to learn to be there for people and to let them be there for me. I'm counting down the days...

Down in my heart

What a good weekend. I suppose I should start at the beginning. On Friday Brittany and I managed to get out of work an hour early which was fantastic because the kids were acting up that afternoon. She was on her way to Ocean City, MD to visit her little for the weekend and I was getting primed for my weekend alone. I got to the gym which has been an all too infrequent occurrence. It’s a little disappointing because I had finally gotten to my goal as far as weight and health issues. Being here has brought on all kinds of chocolate cravings and I’ve pretty much given up the battle! But in any case working out always feels good so that was a good way to start off the weekend.

On Saturday as I was sitting on the empty subway car waiting for it to leave a shady looking man came in and sat fairly close to me. He motioned a hello and in order not to be rude I said hello back. I guess I probably shouldn’t have done that because then he moved over and sat in the seat right next to me. He started showing me this paperwork about how he was getting a drug screening for a job and asked my opinion about something that the letter said. He ended the conversation by saying that he could have sat somewhere else but when he saw me he decided to sit over here. I pretty much just looked at him and he told me that he would go sit somewhere else and leave me be and after a handshake I said goodbye to this man who introduced himself as Stan.

I went into Center City to get a haircut from a salon called Nova. I had simply done a google search for hair salons in Philadelphia and picked the one closest to a subway stop. It was a cute little place and the girl did a fantastic job in my opinion. It was nice to have someone close to my own age cutting my hair because I was able to tell her that I wanted my bangs to look just like hers and by the end the whole cut was fairly similar. The only low point was when I went to pay. $55 went into this haircut. That’s the price I would typically pay for 5 haircuts. It’s a good thing I went on the shorter side. Make it more worthwhile. But after the haircut I was ready to hit the town. I walked down S. Broad St in the Avenue of the Arts area. There were all kinds of theaters and art shops. Not to mention all the art school kids hanging around the streets. I fit right in of course with my new metropolitan hair. Then I circled back around and walked down Walnut Street which is known for its shopping opportunities. I passed a few stores I would have gone into if I hadn’t just wasted $40 but when I saw Urban Outfitters I had to go in. Ended up buying a T-shirt but passing on really cute flats that would have matched the shirt and the hair. I found a closer subway station and made my way back home. It was a good end to a very urban day.

That night I watched Monsters Inc. on ABC from my bed and did more research about nursing programs and fields of study. I really think that this is it for me. I have never been as excited about any career choice as I am now. I’ve been telling people that it’s what I’m majoring in and it feels really good. (So that’s a method I use to decide if a major is really something I want: tell someone that’s what you’re doing and see how it feels) I am probably going overboard but I also looked into master’s degree programs and it turns out that UPenn has a really great program for Acute Care Nursing and also one in Oncology Nursing which would be very interesting. So if there is time I’ll try to go down to the campus just to see what it’s like. I mean, I’m here, might as well.

There was a wedding during worship this morning at St. Paul’s. It was very touching. George and Tonya are an older couple that have been going to the church for a while. George is blind and both are recovering alcoholics that are in charge of weekly AA meetings at the church. They have both overcome many challenges in their lives but both are firmly rooted in their faith. I feel honored that I was able to attend their service and reception. You can always feel when you’re in the presence of true love and it’s comforting to know that it can be found at any age.

The sermon today was about rejoicing and doing it for the right reasons. I think that in some weird way I’ve learned a lot about joy this summer. For the first time in a long time I am rejoicing in the blessings of God everyday. In the past I’ve neglected that portion of prayer and have only turned to my faith in times of hardship. This summer I’m learning to recognize that God has a hand in all happiness and that’s what joy truly is. It’s not just being happy; it’s a happiness that comes from the Lord.

Another interesting question that came to mind today was this: Do you like your job? I would say that the answer to that is no. I don’t really like my job and I wouldn’t ever sign up to work at a camp again. But a better question is this: Have you liked your experience in Philadelphia? The answer to that is an excited yes! The job itself is very challenging but challenges are not always bad. I’ve learned a whole lot in just two weeks and that experience I wouldn’t change. So while I wouldn’t sign up for camp in the future, if I could go back and do it again I wouldn’t change a thing.