Hold on for one more day

The last day of camp is tomorrow. We’ve planned our book event at the park and I think it will turn out well. And if not, at least it will be over tomorrow! We went to the National Constitution Center today. It really wasn’t that great, especially for young kids. We saw a “play” which consisted of one guy talking and some b-roll behind him. Surrounding the theater was the main exhibit which only took about 30 minutes to walk through. The best part was a portion called Signer’s Hall which had life-sized statues of all the signers of the Constitution. I took some pictures of the kids with the statues.

After we figured out that there was nothing left to do there we walked across the street to Franklin Park which had a really neat playground and a beautiful fountain. Here are two more campers on a neat interpretation of a seesaw.

I’m supposed to be writing a reflection paper about the whole experience on Philadelphia. It’s a lot to think about and it’s always easier to think of the negative things than the positive ones. The truth is it hasn’t been an easy summer. There’s been a lot of challenges and a lot of adjustments. I’ve felt out of place and unneeded while also feeling desperately necessary. I would like to think that I’ve grown and changed because of the summer. Two apparent and important developments that have been made are my discovering to pursue a career in nursing and the experience of becoming a part of such a diverse community. In my conversations with Pastor Kopp he asked me what I learned about service as a whole. I’m not exactly sure if I learned too much. One thing I can say is that you must really put all of yourself into the service you’re doing. Otherwise you are depriving yourself as well as the person you are serving. Depriving them of the light of God inside of you and depriving you of the light that lies within them. It’s the connection between people based on caring that makes a real difference. Whenever you do short term mission it seems that there are four obvious but significant portions of the trip. You must jump in, make a connection, show caring through service, and gracefully goodbye. I say “jump in” because in short term mission you can’t waste time feeling uncomfortable. It is important to establish yourself as part of the group as much as possible. That leads to making a connection. It’s better to make individual connections with people rather than viewing your service as something to a mass of people. Through that individuality you can really show caring as you identify the personal needs of others. The graceful goodbye is the part that I feel that I will be experiencing for the first time. Pastor Kopp really stressed “the importance of our comings and goings” and he’s right. To properly dignify the relationships that I’ve made here it is important to let everyone know that they’ve made an impact on my life. In the past I haven’t been very good at goodbyes and I’m realizing that’s something I need to work on.

“Sometimes, when you’re not around, I like to do handstands” (- me, to Brittany)

It’s just beginning to hit me that there is really only one week left in Philly. It’s going to be a busy week too. First, we have to work until 5:00 because Mr. Bennie is on vacation this week. We are also planning our second Summer Reads event for this Friday. This one will take far less coordination of people which is a plus but we are hoping to have it in a local park so if the weather doesn’t cooperate we’re screwed. I know that we should probably plan a rain date or separate location but I don’t so much want to do that. It would be like planning two completely separate events in addition to ridiculously long work days without any break. Add onto that all the things we have planned for after work this week and it gets pretty exhausting.

I visited the Philadelphia Museum of Art this afternoon. The massive marble and stone building was itself enough for me to look at all day long, never mind all the works that are housed inside. Sometimes it surprises me when people my own age do not have the same taste and interests that I do. Upon walking into the building the first place I wanted to visit was the Contemporary and Modern Art wing, of course. I really didn’t expect that Becca would most want to visit the European Art 1100-1500 wing. Paintings of icons and other “Jesus stuff”, as she put it, aren’t very exciting to me. I don’t deny that the artists are extremely talented but how many times do we need to see the Virgin Mary holding a perfectly peach baby Jesus? (After some consideration I don’t consider that statement sacrilegious.) At least we were all in agreement that the Arms and Armor section didn’t need more than a 10 minute walk through. It was a really nice afternoon but at this point I’m regretting the decision not to purchase a Matisse coloring book.

On Saturday Brittany and I walked around King of Prussia Mall for about 4 and a half hours. It’s the second largest mall in the nation. You would think after trying on almost every dress in the mall I would have been able to find something to wear to Keith and Leslie’s wedding but I didn’t. So we decided to drop into our old standby: Target. I found a cute skirt and top to wear so I hope it will all be acceptable. This is really only my third wedding and the first was too long ago to remember. I’m not really sure about the attire but I’m sure Leslie won’t care anyway. The day is about them not me!

After a lot of phone calls and such I’m pretty sure I have a ride home from the airport on the 11^th. My mom kept telling me that my dad was getting me and then my dad told me that my mom was getting me. My sister is moving into her apartment that day and I don’t really have any other relatives to come get me. So really if you’re interested in giving me a ride it’s probably still an option. You know you want to.

Crab Fries

This was actually written last Wednesday but because of my crappy internet service and overall laziness I didn't get it posted until tonight.

Only 6 more camp days left. It seems like just as I’m getting comfortable it’s time to leave. I think it will be a bitter-sweet goodbye next Friday. I am certainly ready to go home but I never want to forget the kids or my time in Philadelphia.

Brittany is heading to a conference in Maryland for her school and since she had a day off I decided to try to weasel a personal day for myself. I told Lynn in the morning that I was “uncomfortable walking alone so early in the day.” That’s a lie. I have walked that way alone a few times and while it’s not my favorite thing to do I would have managed. She told me that I should catch a bus which definitely would not have happened. I will take the small risk of walking alone before I pay $3 to ride for only a few minutes. At the end of the conversation I figured my plan had failed. Later in the day however, she came up to me and told me that I could just take a day off. I don’t know what changed her mind but I’m glad about it. I haven’t been feeling very well anyway and having a day to sleep in would be great.

Last night I went to a Phillies game with Pastor Kopp, Bill and Brittany. We really had a great time. P Kopp knows the stadium by heart and gave us the grand tour. I bought my first Philadelphia souvenir- a Phillies T-shirt touting my new favorite player’s name, #11 Jimmy Rollins. We ate bratwursts and crab fries and settled into our seats in right field. We didn’t catch any fly balls but Rollins did hit a home run solely due to my support. The Phillies won the game 4-3; it couldn’t have worked out better.

Last weekend was spent at Brittany’s farm in York. She organized all her friends for a weekend of partying and Hershey Park. It was really cool to see where and how she lives. Almost everything in the house is original to it. There is no air conditioning, dishwasher or cable. The walls have the original horsehair wallpaper and the cracks near the windows and ceiling only add to the house’s charm. Her parents are a riot. Some of the nicest and most outgoing people I’ve ever met. Meeting them has helped me to understand Brittany a lot more. All of her friends were nice and Hershey Park was fun. The first night I was a little hesitant to get into things. I think seeing how close her group is made me nostalgic for home. I was also pretty tired so I went to bed early. The next day was a lot more fun and a lot more of what I hoped the weekend would be, time with people my own age that are smart, laid back and fun to be around. I was able to let loose a little bit Saturday night and woke up on Sunday with no regrets. I worry a little bit about spending three more days on the farm in two weeks though. My allergies were acting up like crazy around all those animals. And it’s weird for me to say “my allergies” because at home I’m not allergic to anything. Also, there is a teeny tiny kitten there that I was able to hold. Cutest. Thing. Ever.

The murder count in Philadelphia is up to 230 for 2007. That’s more than one murder for every day so far this year. I think there were six last weekend alone. It’s really shocking to me how complacent people have become around here. There was a shooting that killed three people in a crowded bar the other night. No one saw anything. People must be afraid to talk to the police or there is a wide fear of being a snitch. It’s not only the public; it’s the government here as well. The gun laws in Pennsylvania allow you to buy an unlimited number of guns in a day. And the mayor would rather spend his time waiting in line for a new iPhone than go into the office for the day. It’s interesting how the culture of Philadelphia has been affected by this violence and how it works to perpetuate such actions. The kids in our camp glamorize violent behavior. Some have family members, people that they love and respect that are in jail right now. I overheard a conversation on the subway between two guys around my age about how they used to get in fights on their block to establish leadership among the kids that lived in the area. One retold a story about how he saw someone he knew get shot and die in the street when they didn’t move their bicycle out of the way soon enough. When these things are so normal it’s easy to ignore the news stories and the rising murder count becomes more of a novelty than a gruesome fact.

"You don't want to date gentlemen. You want to date players and rough riders"

As it turns out our ratty old gym is a good place to meet single guys. Today I met a guy from South Korea. He is here going to school and when I told him I was from Florida he said, in broken English, “Oh, Miami… C…S…I!” I tried to explain that I wasn’t from Miami but more from the Tampa area. I thought he asked if I could take him to Florida with me sometime but later realized he might have asked if I could talk with him about Florida sometime. The entire discourse was very awkward and probably hilarious to watch if not because of my lack of communication skills but also because I was drenched with sweat. The other guy I met happened to be with his mom and looking for a restroom. They were waiting to sign his lease and since I have such a nice face they inquired where they might find one. I told them I was going to the gym downstairs and that there was one there. Turns out the ladies room door was locked so that meant the guy and his mom had to take separate turns using the men’s room. While the mother waited she asked me if I was going to school and then about the internship program; all very nice and normal. Then when the guy came out to wait I asked him if he was going to school and about moving into his own place. He was quick to explain that when your mother is standing in the way of your life’s happiness it’s time to move out. After an awkward laugh on my part the conversation was over. I never said the guys were fun and interesting, just single. Possibly the caliber of the gym is proportional to the caliber of man you find within it.

I had another meeting with Pastor Kopp today that did not end in tears. I count that as a success. I talked with him about my idea to pursue nursing and he offered some interesting insight that I will consider when planning for the future. He also showered me with compliments about my “progress” and about the “enlivening of my spirit”. It sounds corny now but it’s always nice to hear someone compliment your spirit.

My relationships with the kids are definitely starting to blossom. Stephen and Andrew are the cutest little boys. They are my comfort when I begin to feel like all kids must be disrespectful. Ralston is starting to really open up to me. I think that people have not expected enough of him in his life. He seems to have a keen awareness of other people’s feelings and personalities. Even though you will always have to tell him something twice we’re finally at the point where he doesn’t simply disregard me. He shared his homemade cookies with me and gave me a hug today. It was the best moment of the week so far. He’s also reminded me that it’s important to talk to kids about things other than punishments. If all you ever do is yell at someone they will learn not to hear you. There is one Asian girl in my group. Her name is Cierra. She’s really starting to come out of her shell which is just great. We have a dance instructor come each Tuesday to dance with the kids and today we did a soul train line. When it was Cierra’s turn to dance down the center she went all out. It was adorable. Somehow her dance moves looked almost identical to those of the dancers in the game DDR. Another camper that I’m really impressed with is Jaide. There is a mentally handicapped boy in our class and she always takes time to play with him during the day and not in the way that the other kids do. She seems to be very aware of his limitations and she takes her cues from him. If he wants to go backward on the game board instead of forward she has no problem with that. She’s showing that she has expanded past the concrete functioning that the other children still display as well as her genuinely caring nature. The job is slowly getting better in many ways. While it’s still not something I would want to do for my whole life it’s certainly something I can do for 3 more weeks.

Top 10

Things I miss about home
1. Publix
2. Gator's memorabilia everywhere
3. Color TV with more than 4 channels
4. A couch
5. A safe place to run outside
6. A microwave
7. The beach
8. Tijuana Flats
9. My bike
10. Free laundry

(This list is not exhaustive and obviously does not include my family and friends.)

Things I will miss about Philadelphia
1. Having Brittany around at all times
2. Philly cheese steaks
3. The subway and Regional Rail
4. Center City
5. Going on free trips every Thursday
6. ABC 10 news theme song
7. The people I met at St. Paul's including Becca, Ben, and P Kopp
8. Watching my 7 year old campers wu tang battle
9. Watching drug busts outside my window
10. Having even the most boring places feel new and exciting

Keep the wind at your back and the sun on your face

There are only 15 camp days left, 3 weeks until the internship ends, 4 weeks until I’m home, 5 weeks until I’m back in Gainesville.

After having a meeting with Pastor Kopp last Tuesday I’ve been thinking a lot about the future, about who I am and who I will become. In less than an hours time he figured out that I am not only afraid of any kind of commitment but also that I don’t trust very many people to see who I really am. I thought that I had resolved a majority of these kinds of issues in the past two years but as he pointed out, there is always more work to be done. During the meeting I found myself becoming very angry at him. How dare he point out all of my major character flaws? How dare he tell me that even with all of the emotional work I’ve done I still haven’t gotten very far? How dare he judge my parents, whom he doesn’t even know? How dare he see right through me? Coming into this internship I wrote that I wanted to avoid taking the easy way out of certain situations only to realize that I take the easy way out of every situation. I have never had a best friend or a lifelong friend. All of my relationships are shallow and when we stop seeing each other regularly those relationships end. And now I fear this more than anything. The past two years in college have been so fantastic. I’ve met people that I love and that I’ve been myself around. I’ve made the best friends I’ve ever had, people that I truly miss when I’m not around them. I do not want to get to graduation and feel like I’m leaving my friends, that I have to start all over again somewhere new. I want to make friends that will last forever; I just don’t know how to do that. Probably the most frustrating thing that P Kopp said to me was that there is nothing that I can do about it. Well, he told me to pray that God puts people in my life that will be there for me. But I feel like He has. I feel that there are people that would be there for me if only I would let them in. So I guess that is what I should pray about but you know, when you feel so helpless in a situation, telling someone to pray is almost patronizing.

At this point I just want to be in Gainesville where I am happy and where life is good. I know who I am and what I should be doing. I know I shouldn’t just rest on this contentment and it is at school where the majority of the work is to be done. I want to build up the relationships I have and make them lasting. I want to learn to be there for people and to let them be there for me. I'm counting down the days...

Down in my heart

What a good weekend. I suppose I should start at the beginning. On Friday Brittany and I managed to get out of work an hour early which was fantastic because the kids were acting up that afternoon. She was on her way to Ocean City, MD to visit her little for the weekend and I was getting primed for my weekend alone. I got to the gym which has been an all too infrequent occurrence. It’s a little disappointing because I had finally gotten to my goal as far as weight and health issues. Being here has brought on all kinds of chocolate cravings and I’ve pretty much given up the battle! But in any case working out always feels good so that was a good way to start off the weekend.

On Saturday as I was sitting on the empty subway car waiting for it to leave a shady looking man came in and sat fairly close to me. He motioned a hello and in order not to be rude I said hello back. I guess I probably shouldn’t have done that because then he moved over and sat in the seat right next to me. He started showing me this paperwork about how he was getting a drug screening for a job and asked my opinion about something that the letter said. He ended the conversation by saying that he could have sat somewhere else but when he saw me he decided to sit over here. I pretty much just looked at him and he told me that he would go sit somewhere else and leave me be and after a handshake I said goodbye to this man who introduced himself as Stan.

I went into Center City to get a haircut from a salon called Nova. I had simply done a google search for hair salons in Philadelphia and picked the one closest to a subway stop. It was a cute little place and the girl did a fantastic job in my opinion. It was nice to have someone close to my own age cutting my hair because I was able to tell her that I wanted my bangs to look just like hers and by the end the whole cut was fairly similar. The only low point was when I went to pay. $55 went into this haircut. That’s the price I would typically pay for 5 haircuts. It’s a good thing I went on the shorter side. Make it more worthwhile. But after the haircut I was ready to hit the town. I walked down S. Broad St in the Avenue of the Arts area. There were all kinds of theaters and art shops. Not to mention all the art school kids hanging around the streets. I fit right in of course with my new metropolitan hair. Then I circled back around and walked down Walnut Street which is known for its shopping opportunities. I passed a few stores I would have gone into if I hadn’t just wasted $40 but when I saw Urban Outfitters I had to go in. Ended up buying a T-shirt but passing on really cute flats that would have matched the shirt and the hair. I found a closer subway station and made my way back home. It was a good end to a very urban day.

That night I watched Monsters Inc. on ABC from my bed and did more research about nursing programs and fields of study. I really think that this is it for me. I have never been as excited about any career choice as I am now. I’ve been telling people that it’s what I’m majoring in and it feels really good. (So that’s a method I use to decide if a major is really something I want: tell someone that’s what you’re doing and see how it feels) I am probably going overboard but I also looked into master’s degree programs and it turns out that UPenn has a really great program for Acute Care Nursing and also one in Oncology Nursing which would be very interesting. So if there is time I’ll try to go down to the campus just to see what it’s like. I mean, I’m here, might as well.

There was a wedding during worship this morning at St. Paul’s. It was very touching. George and Tonya are an older couple that have been going to the church for a while. George is blind and both are recovering alcoholics that are in charge of weekly AA meetings at the church. They have both overcome many challenges in their lives but both are firmly rooted in their faith. I feel honored that I was able to attend their service and reception. You can always feel when you’re in the presence of true love and it’s comforting to know that it can be found at any age.

The sermon today was about rejoicing and doing it for the right reasons. I think that in some weird way I’ve learned a lot about joy this summer. For the first time in a long time I am rejoicing in the blessings of God everyday. In the past I’ve neglected that portion of prayer and have only turned to my faith in times of hardship. This summer I’m learning to recognize that God has a hand in all happiness and that’s what joy truly is. It’s not just being happy; it’s a happiness that comes from the Lord.

Another interesting question that came to mind today was this: Do you like your job? I would say that the answer to that is no. I don’t really like my job and I wouldn’t ever sign up to work at a camp again. But a better question is this: Have you liked your experience in Philadelphia? The answer to that is an excited yes! The job itself is very challenging but challenges are not always bad. I’ve learned a whole lot in just two weeks and that experience I wouldn’t change. So while I wouldn’t sign up for camp in the future, if I could go back and do it again I wouldn’t change a thing.

“Simon says lean with it. Simon says rock with it.”

I had a great day at camp. Yes, that’s optimism. Our group of younger kids is really good when compared to the older kids. They snap to attention quicker, give less attitude, and are much less sneaky than the older group. I realize a part of that is because of the age and if I were to come back next year a few of the good ones might be going through the same phase as the middle school kids are this year. One major realization I had today was that my kids are still just 5, 6 and 7 year olds. They like the same things that the kids I’m used to working with like. Because they were from a different place and because they were of different cultures I assumed they would be completely different and in some ways they are, but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t still kids. We played Simon Says and Hot Potato today and they loved it. I also made up a game in the school yard that involved throwing a ball through a hula hoop that they didn’t get bored of for almost a half hour. Good things are happening here, I just don’t want to let my guard down.

My Fourth of July ended up being really good. In the morning we went into the city and walked around the Society Hill section a bit. This section is exactly what you would think it would be with a name like Society Hill. Lots of coffee shops and boutiques. People walking their miniature dogs and eating at street side cafes. It’s very expensive to live there and but it’s also very chic if you can afford it. We ended up back at the historic district and toured Independence Hall which was quite appropriate for the day. Then we decided it was time to take the Duck Tour! After we got our quackers, we were off! The duck is a vehicle that drives on land and then transforms into a boat. They were (and probably still are?) used in the military and are now being used for tours in various places. We toured all throughout the city which was great because it really got me oriented to Philadelphia. It also made me anxious to go to South Street which has been recommended to us by the older ladies at camp as “a place you young people like to go.” The tour was about an hour long and ended with us splashing into the Delaware River. It’s quite polluted and it was a cloudy day but it was fun anyway. We got of the duck as it was starting to rain so we made our way back to the subway station and went home.

Brittany’s brother graciously invited us to his place in Narberth (pronounced Naw – beth as I was corrected many times) to watch fireworks and have dinner. We ended up watching the fireworks from their window due to the rain but we still had a great view. We also played Apples to Apples and had a few drinks. It was really a good time and it’s always interesting to see how people respond to Jack.

Today after work I was sitting in my bed writing my grandma a letter and a thought popped up into my brain. Nursing! What if I majored in nursing? It seems like it could be a good fit. Where science and caring meet. Okay, I didn’t just make that up. It’s on the UF College of Nursing website, but that describes me. I have always loved biological sciences and I know that I want to do something that really helps people. Working with Jonathon, the boy with diabetes has been a perfect match for me. I like that responsibility. I’d also have a lot of opportunity to work with diverse populations which I’ve been finding really interesting here. Comments are appreciated on this subject as I have the tendency to get excited about something and then realize it’s not what I really want.

"Miss Leanna are you an alien?"

The second week of camp has been significantly better than the first. I think we are starting to fall into a routine and that’s good for children. Swimming on Monday went well except that we had a stowaway on our bus. The school where camp is run also has summer school classes until 1 o’clock. At 1 we get on a bus to go to the pool and one boy either got confused or just wanted to swim and ended up with our camp when he was supposed to have just gone home after summer school. The obvious question here is why did no one notice? I can’t be to blame because I didn’t even get on the bus. Brittany and I road in a separate car. I think the issue was that he had the same name as one of the other boys that happened to be absent that day. So when someone said that Markees was on the bus we all assumed it was our Markees and not some random kid. He got home safely though. No harm, no foul.

The morning shift is so much better than the afternoon shift. Ms Julie and Ms Natalie have it together. They have obviously been working with kids for a long time and they command respect. My initial observation about the staff not getting involved was incorrect at least for these two women. They are involved at appropriate times and they know when to just let the kids go. I admire their skill. The afternoon staff are more like babysitters. Ms Jamie isn’t too bad with the kids but she doesn’t have the ability to get all the kid’s attention at once nor does she have back-pocket games to pull out when there is a lull in the day. Ms Linda is, to be honest, not very bright. She means well and she is a sweet lady but she doesn’t quite seem to be all there and that prevents her from being truly present with the kids. Of course I’m talking as though I’m such a great counselor. I have a lot of things to work on as well. I need to be more consistent in my punishments and not be afraid to take control of the room. I think the biggest problem for me is that I really don’t know what to do about some of the things these kids say to me. When a little girl tattles that someone called her a name, what am I supposed to do? I didn’t hear it and these kids are known to lie, so..? I usually just tell them to ignore it but I really don’t think that helps anything at all. I also need to work on a lesson plan of my own so that when the afternoon staff, who are supposed to have already made lesson plans, do not have anything to do I can just pull out my craft or activity.

One thing that is foreign to me is how these kids treat people that they just meet. Pastor Kopp and I talked about how they do not “lead with respect” and that’s really true. It seems to be a major cultural difference. I know when I was growing up I gave everyone respect. If someone was older than me then I listened to them until they gave me a reason not to trust them. With these children they expect you to earn their respect, it isn’t an automatic. Just because you have the word ‘staff’ written on your shirt doesn’t mean that they have to pay attention to you. It’s been hard for me to find a reason why they should respect me right off the bat. Other than things like I work there and I’m older there’s not much. I’m not a lot bigger than some of them, I’m white, I’m a female, and I’m new to the city and the camp. Many of these kids have never been out of the neighborhood, have never talked to a white person, and have gotten in more fights than I can imagine. It’s going to take time for them to get to know me because the qualities that I have that are worth respecting are not as obvious to them. But I do care about them and I think just that fact is good enough.

On another note, this past Sunday Brittany, Becca and I decided to take a trip up to Doylestown. We had heard that it was a cute place to walk around and shop. Since we had never ridden on the train before we figured it would be a good day to go and it was. The weather was gorgeous to be walking around outside. We went to a craft store and made bead bracelets. They were pretty overpriced but I think for the amount of time we spent on them it was worth it. We went into a few funny craft kind of stores and searched a while for a famed “Kids Castle”. It’s supposed to be a multistory wooden play ground in the shape of a castle. I know what you’re thinking… let’s go! At least that’s what we thought. Unfortunately we never found it. We asked a girl at the ice cream shop we stopped at and she said that it was too far to walk. We plan to make another trip just to play on the castle. I enjoy riding the train. It’s much more scenic than the subway and much quieter too.

This weekend both Dave and Brittany are leaving. I will be stranded here without a car. I can always ride the subway but I’m not sure where I would go. I wouldn’t mind if I were truly alone but Jack will be here so that’s kind of awkward. I don’t particularly want to spend an entire weekend with just him. I’m kind of hoping that he will just stay in his room and I can just stay in mine. I need some quality me time anyway.

I’ve been thinking about next year at ULC and I’m not nervous at all about being peer minister in charge of hospitality. At this moment in time I feel like I could talk to anyone and not be nervous. I want to remember this feeling so that I can look back on it when school comes around.

Sorry this post is all over the place. The days are running together. It’s been hard to write everyday. There are just too many other things to do.

"You can't wu tang better than me"

It’s the end of a very busy week. Some parts were stressful, some parts were fun, some parts were horrible, and some parts were truly moving.

The first week of camp went fairly smoothly. The staff is still getting itself adjusted to the schedule and learning about the kids. The kids are still getting to know each other and pushing their boundaries with the staff.

On Wednesday we went swimming and no one drowned! In fact the kids were better behaved at the pool than they have been at the camp. As it turns out I will be resuming my role as lifeguard this summer. The pool that we go to has a policy that camps must bring at least one of their own lifeguards for every 30 kids. We had one lifeguard but our camp has 60 kids. If I hadn’t been a certified lifeguard we probably wouldn’t have been able to swim. They let me slide on the fact that my CPR certification had expired last month on the stipulation that I get re-certified before the next time we swim. The head lifeguard at the pool gave me his number and hooked me up with a recertification class that very night. I’m official now. Good thing I brought my whistle.

Thursday was by far the worst day I’ve had in a long time. It started in the morning when we were doing a craft. We were making bracelets which I realize sounds very easy but the way that we were supposed to make them was actually quite complicated. After splitting the campers into boy’s and girl’s tables, I went around trying to explain the craft to the boys. I was fine with the younger ones but when I got to the end of the table with the older boys I knew I was in over my head. One boy in particular was not listening to me at all. He was making fun of one the developmentally challenged boys and he completely ignored me when I told him to stop. I asked him what his name was and he replied, “Nothing.” (I later found out his name is Deshaun) I was getting pretty pissed off. I told him to get up and go sit on the other side of the room. He wouldn’t get up. At this point I began to realize that I really had no ammunition against this boy. He was only an inch or so shorter than me but probably twice as strong. He comes from a world of violence and had been on both the offensive and defensive end of many fights. All I could do was yell at him. He finally got up and did that kind of slow walk filled with attitude. The older boys have a history of running away so I walked next to him to make sure he got there. I can’t remember when he said but I got so upset that I had to walk away. I walked over to the shift supervisor and as I began to utter the words, “Ms. Julie, I can’t handle this boy” I could feel the tears coming. I said it again and she told me to get out of the room because you can’t let them know that they’ve gotten to you. I went outside and sat for a while shaking and crying with frustration and anger. Ms Julie came outside to talk to me and she told me he had run away. Thinking back on the situation it’s hard to tell what got to me so much. It was just a feeling of complete powerlessness and inadequacy. I soon got myself together and went back inside to complete the craft.

Later in the day we had both the older and the younger groups together playing in the gym. It was far too crowded and balls were flying everywhere. I was standing near the gym door making sure no one was going in and out when a renegade ball flew at me and hit a straight shot to my eye. It hit no other place but my eye. He couldn’t have done it if the boy had tried. After the initial shock I was given an ice pack and was lucky that I didn’t get a black eye. Later in the day I saw him in the hall. He was walking with his friend and I heard him brag to him that this was the counselor that he had hit in the eye.

Around 2:00 pm Jonathon was complaining that he felt low so we checked his blood sugar level. He wanted to call his mom so I reached for my cell phone that I keep in my pocket. It was gone. My first thought was that I had left in the room that I ate lunch in. So I ran to go see if it was there. No luck. I checked in the gym and it was not there either. I knew that it had probably fallen out of my pocket and knowing the kinds of kids we have they would have picked it up and kept it. I decided not to do anything about it just yet in an effort to avoid a total melt down. I began looking at all the kid’s pockets as they were walking around to see if I could see the shape of my phone through the material. I didn’t want to just accuse anyone because I doubt they could have just stolen it from my pocket. Deshaun walked into the room so I followed him with my eyes. As he picked up his shirt to place something in his pocket I spotted my phone. I went up to him and asked to see the phone in his pocket. He looked nervous as he handed me the phone. I looked at it and it was definitely mine. I asked him where he got it and he told me that he found it on the way to the bathroom. After asking why he didn’t hand it in he replied, “I thought when you find a cell phone on the ground you can just keep it.” Instead of yelling at him about how much of an idiot he is I told him that I would let him go because he didn’t maliciously take it. It was at that point in the day that I (figuratively) washed my hands of that camp. I didn’t say anything or do anything for the last three hours I was there and all that night I thought about how much I wished that I had punched Deshaun in the face so that I would be kicked out of the camp and not have to work there anymore.

However on Friday morning I woke up a new woman. I was no longer angry and I had shed my quitting attitude. We parked outside of the office and I went in to give Lynn my new certification card. She called Brittany and me into her office to discuss something important. The mother of one of the boys in the camp, Shakur, had called her regarding something that a “curly-haired blonde woman” had said. The story is that Shakur’s older brother came to pick up Shakur from camp. Somewhere in the time that he walked in to sign out and the time that he left Shakur’s brother said that this person asked him why he was in foster care. This is a big deal because kids who are in foster care are there because their lives had been filled with unsuitable and often violent and emotional times before being taken away. I still don’t really understand why his brother would say this. I certainly did not ask him that nor did I ever even see the guy. I also know for a fact that neither Brittany nor I knew that Shakur was even in foster care. How could we? And even if she did I know that Brittany is smart enough and sensitive enough to know not to ask that. We are the only two white women, or even white people, in the camp so they were obviously targeting us. It really affected Brittany and it’s unsettling to me that anyone would just make something like that up. It will probably always remain a mystery.

The best part of the week for me came when my group was in the library. We had just played Heads Up 7 Up and it became clear that the kids did not know each other’s names. So Ms Natalie decided that she was going to change that. She started by taking one child and having them stand up and say their name and what their favorite color is. Then all the other kids had to try to remember and shout it out when asked. By the time we got through half the group the kids were chanting each others names, smiling and laughing. They were so happy to be together and so excited to know one another. That was the first time I was really able to see God in the midst of the whole week. The relationships that were forming and the happiness that was drawn from those relationships was moving. I hadn’t smiled so widely in weeks. It seemed to make everything else ok. It made me care again.

Today I slept in until 11:00 am. It was glorious. I went to the gym for the first time in a week. We went to Temple University and walked around a bit. I bought a new book at the bookstore: Blood Meridian, as per Mike’s suggestion. We saw Ratatouille and ate giant burritos. Overall it was a good day.

The subway is a dichotomy of man’s ingenuity and man’s carelessness. What were once shining and new train cars are now dirty and dank as they pass through graffiti ridden walls into the depths. The trains passing by at such high speeds give the feeling of excitement but it is coupled with the feeling of complete surrender to the will of the car. With one token you have the power to go anywhere but you are helpless subject to anything that goes on inside your section. There is much debate inside me as to whether or not I enjoy the subway.

First day of camp

One day down. 6 weeks left.

This morning we went to Lowell school and found most of the kids all in one room. Since there were no instructions I just began playing a board game with the kids and the next thing I knew I was on the Red Team which is made up of all the kids from kindergarten to second grade. I was actually very happy to have this assignment because I’ve worked with younger children more than older ones. I was also assigned to help out with one boy, Jonathan, who is diabetic. Ms. Julie, the lead staff person in the morning, seemed to be very nervous about taking care of him so it really turned out that I would just be looking after him alone. This involves making sure that he checks his blood sugar before and after meals and watching to make sure he isn’t acting in ways that could be a sign of low blood sugar. He’s a really sweet and smart 6 year old. If I could choose my child before having it I would choose one just like him. He was really low this morning so I gave him an extra snack and by the afternoon he was extremely high. Apparently the lows are better and easier to deal with than the lows. All he needs to do is run around if he has a high. I’m not uncomfortable with the fact that he has diabetes, I’m just really nervous that something will happen to him. To be honest I trust myself to take care of him more than I trust any of the rest of the staff. They haven’t proven themselves to be ultra competent. I’m going to look up some things on type 1 diabetes tonight to make sure that I know what to do when something goes wrong.

The first day of camp was really not bad at all. The kids were pretty well behaved for the most part. I had to sit a few kids out at the beginning of the day but after that they were good. I think the biggest thing that the kids need is organized play. If we played big group games we could easily keep an eye on all the kids and keep them out of any other kinds of trouble they could get into. I suppose I should think of some that I could bust out when needed. I also wish we would sing with the kids. I know it sounds corny but it keep little kids excited and happy.

Vacation Bible School was interesting. Becca, the parish worker at St. Paul’s and the woman in charge of VBS, is very particular about the way things should be done. She had this really complicated craft for the kids to do and she made them learn this cheesy song. It’s just such a stark contrast to what our camp is like. I found myself rolling my eyes at her a lot. I hope no one noticed. Brittany was mackin’ on one of the Asian helpers… I’ve never met a girl that has a thing for Asian boys. In my experience it has been guys who only have eyes for Asian girls. That wasn’t really important but I thought it was funny.

On edge

Tomorrow is the first day of camp and I am nervous. The idea of working 9 – 5 and then helping to run vacation bible school at St. Paul’s from 6:30 – 8:30 is daunting. We will be out of the house for almost 12 hours. I feel like I need more help but I know that God has given me all that I need. I feel like Pastor Kopp’s sermons have been tailored just to me these past two Sundays so that has made up for the rest of the service that I find to be lacking. It is once a month communion so that means I will only receive communion twice while I am here. It’s also strange to me that Kopp does almost the entire service alone. There are two ushers but there are no lay assistants. I suppose I like the notion of community worship more than the format of this service which suggests that the pastor is one step closer to the Lord than others.

After church we did laundry and I finished The Road by Cormac McCarthy. I really enjoyed the book which is why I finished it so quickly. I've never been good at making commentary on novels but this book has inspired me to want to read more of McCarthy. If anyone has any other suggestions of books I should be reading let me know. I have lots of time this summer. On the downside I accidentally ruined a shirt in the laundry and the washing machine flooded one side of the room.

Some of my roomies are getting on my nerves. It’s all little stuff that is to be expected. I hope that I’m not getting on their nerves too much in return. I guess I’m just not good at being with the same people 24 hours a day. I wish so much that I had a car here so that I could just drive somewhere alone. I feel like I do things differently than the others. Maybe it’s because I’ve been shopping and cooking for myself for some time now. I just have a certain and very efficient way that I do things and it’s hard to add other people into a solo routine. Another reason I would like to be alone is because then I would be able to sing and listen to the music that I like. Apparently I do not share the same taste in music as anyone here. I just don’t understand how one can like a song that we’ve heard more than 50 times in the past week.

Also, I don’t know who has been reading this but thanks for putting up with my rambling. I really appreciate that you are interested in my summer. Since the demand has been so high I’ve made it so that anyone can post comments. If you want to say hello, agree/disagree with what I say or would just like to tell me to get over myself go ahead and comment! :)

Philadelphia, I'm yours

So it’s official. I’m in love with the city. We went to the historic district of Philadelphia today just to explore around a little and I was swept away. We got on the subway at our station only three blocks away from the apartment and rode it to City Hall. Walking down Market Street we saw all kinds of people doing all kinds of things. There were Mennonites singing on a street corner and a drum line raising money for their school band program. There were business people and tourists of every kind. So much going on next to such beautiful buildings and history. Just walking down that street for 10 minutes or so was worth the 15 minutes it took on the subway to get there.

At the end of Market Street is Independence Hall and its adjacent buildings. The Liberty Bell Center was on the corner and the Second Bank of the United States was just down the block. We went inside all of those buildings and saw exhibits about American explorers, Benjamin Franklin, and other leaders and founders of our nation. It was really fascinating and I took pictures where I could (these are on facebook). Sitting outside of Independence Hall we heard drumming and marching. I immediately jumped up and we followed the sounds. It turned out to be 5 men dressed in colonial clothing teaching kids about the Revolutionary War through pretending to recruit them for the army. The kids played with wooden muskets and we laughed at both the man and the faces on the children who had no idea what they were doing. We ate lunch at a food court and had surprisingly awesome prepackaged sushi. In the plaza where the food court was there were also a few gift shop sorts of places. We saw all these shirts and souvenirs with LOVE written on them. I knew about the statue – I suppose that’s what you would call it- that is in New York and I assumed that it was meant for that one, as there was a lot of other NYC memorabilia in that store as well. We were talking about it and the lady working there told us that it was in fact in the city and she gave us directions to find it. Along that same road there were various other art pieces. One called “Your Move” was sculptures of different game pieces strewn about a plaza. Another was “Government of the People” which was a bunch of different sculpted bodies stacked and holding one another in an orb shape. JFK or “Love” Park as it is called was at the end of the row and of course we took pictures in front of it. From there we were also in a prime spot to get a good picture of William Penn on top of the City Hall building. When the building was originally erected his statue was supposed to always be taller than every other building in the city. Philadelphia has grown so much that it is no longer the tallest in sight. In fact in one of my pictures you can clearly see another building almost right next to it that is taller. People blame the cursed Philadelphia sports teams on a vengeance seeking Penn.

In short, the city was nothing less than exhilarating and I would love to go there everyday.

Leslie met up with us at our apartment from her summer residence in West Philly. We went to the Oak Lane Diner and had some great (and messy) Greek food. It was good to see her again. It makes me miss Gainesville but that’s not new. It’s surprising to me that I’ve become so attached to ULC and UF in just two years but it’s a great feeling knowing there’s a place where everybody knows your name.

After a long conversation with (shout out to) T Brindle, I have decided that in order to make this summer most successful for myself I need to in fact stop thinking about myself. It’s not about what I want to get out of this summer. It’s about what the kids get out of the summer and that’s my new goal. I want to make this the most fun, caring, safe and structured summer the kids have ever had. I realize this may not happen in just the way that I want it to but it’s always better to set your goals high. I will also keep one of the goals I had originally set for myself and not let anyone push me around. If I know something is not right I’m going to first, say a little prayer and then speak up about it until I am heard.

Am I ready to start camp on Monday? Who knows?

On we go drowning...

We had our first meeting with Pastor Kopp today to set a bit of a schedule and just talk about first impressions of the camp, work, city life, etc. I however decided to have a breakdown. I had to be honest though. He asked me how the work was and I told him that I didn’t want to be a camp counselor this summer and that I’m disappointed that we are working with kids. I know it makes me sound like I have no heart but it’s just not something that I enjoy doing. I love kids, really. I care about them a lot. But I’m not the camp counselor type. I never have been. The only way I’ve been taught to work with kids is to get engaged with them, to play and interact with them. I’m not very good at that. And now this new camp is telling me that I shouldn’t be playing with the kids so much. So not only am I not good at what I should not be doing but I don’t even know how to do what I should be doing. Apparently we’re just supposed to keep them in line. One of the after school workers sat Brittany and me down and lectured us about how it’s not our job to get to know the kids. Since we are the adults we are supposed to be disciplinarians and not get too involved. But I think that these kids especially need someone who is involved and caring. And if I were the person for that job I would do it, but I’m not. I’m just not that person. Pastor Kopp asked me what I wanted to get out of this summer and at this point I have no idea. I know that I don’t want anyone to die because I really think that is a possibility. Do I really want to make a difference? It seems like I’m not that concerned with making a difference for anyone else. I just want to make a difference in my own life. I want to feel God’s presence and I’m not so concerned with other people. When was the last time I really made a difference in someone’s life? I think it might have been back in high school when we did the backpack ministry and clothing drive for homeless people. I’ve done volunteer work for other people after that but was my heart really in it? Must your heart be in it for it to be good service? We talked about vocation being the place where the world’s deep need and your own deep passion intersect. Maybe this isn’t a vocation but it is still service. I’ve been praying so much asking God to show me the way I should be going and to keep me open to new things. And here I am, closed off from even the idea of summer camp. I’m trying to trust that there is a reason for this, that something real will come from this but I’m very afraid that it’s just going to be another one of those experiences that I have to pretend was meaningful… like the last camp I worked. Every time someone asks me about it I have to feign that I had a good time and make up some crap about how I learned a lot about myself, etc. I mean, I did learn a few things but did I really need to spend 8 weeks miserable to learn to pray and how to meet new people? Seems like there could have been an easier way, but I am stubborn and God does what He wants anyway.

Who says I'm not good with kids?

This weekend wasn’t too bad. We went to see Pirates of the Caribbean 3 on Saturday. It was what I expected. Brittany, Jack and I were the only ones in the theater besides two guys close to our age. I can describe them only as nerdy and listening to their conversations made me laugh out loud.

Worship at St. Paul’s was pretty standard. They went strictly by the LBW. I was a little disappointed that there was no communion this week. It is often my favorite part of the service. I know that I am forgiven whether or not I take the bread and wine but the ritual serves as an important and tangible reminder. The bulletin was rather sparse and it did not indicate whether it was a once a month communion or every other week so I guess I’ll find out eventually. Pastor Kopp’s sermon was good. He didn’t sound too much like a news anchor. I thought the sanctuary was beautiful. There are stained glass panels on the two side walls and the ceiling is painted a sky blue color which reminds me of the front porches on Key West.

I took a great nap after church. When I woke up we all went to Julia Menzo’s house to eat dinner and then to listen to a speaker on Lutheran Disaster Response. Judy Bultman from Bethel Lutheran in Biloxi, Mississippi is one of the best speakers I’ve had the pleasure to listen to. She is so excited about her ministry and she made me just as excited. Part of her church was still standing after Katrina hit so she and her family loaded up supplies and took it there. Over the course of time the church became a dispensary for food, water, and other necessities. Today it has grown to include a free medical clinic. I took a bunch of brochures for ULC. Maybe we can fly to Biloxi for our local mission trip this year.

On the drive home Julia was telling us about some of the things we could do in Philadelphia over the summer. She suggested a few parks with bike trails and small towns we could ride the train to. I asked if she knew of any campus ministries around that we could get involved in. She sent us a copy of the email that she sent out so we should be hearing back soon.

I went to the gym this morning. As it turns out, no key is necessary to get in. I don’t know why Alan neglected to tell me that after the hundredth time I asked for a key but at least now I will probably never have to speak to this man again.

Today was our first half day of after school programming. The last day of school is tomorrow. Monday and Tuesday are both half days so we have the kids for 6 hours. I think today was better than Friday. I’m getting to know the kids better and they are getting to know me. We broke up the kids into boys and girls. The boys went to the park today and I went along with them. It’s amazing how much better it is when there is actually space for them to play. In the courtyard at the school the kids are on top of each other and it makes fights much more likely. One boy, Christian, hung out with me a lot today. He’s really a good kid. We were watching the girls dance (my first real life dance battle I should add) so he showed me his dance moves and informed me that all girls know how to dance. I think he said something like, “Of course they know how. All girls know the chicken noodle soup, the wu tang and steppin.” It made me laugh. On a less positive note I broke up another fight today and made a kid cry. Who says I’m not good with kids? I don’t know what it is about me but they don’t seem to want to listen when I speak. I told the boy, Taquil (sp?), to go line up for snack. He said that they usually lined up where he was standing. I told him he was right but today we were lining up where the other line was. He kept talking back and talking back so I made it very clear that if he wasn’t going to get in the proper line then he wasn’t going to have snack. He kind of pouted and as he walked away I saw him crying. He got over it soon enough but it breaks my heart. Why couldn’t he just have listened to me in the first place? I really don’t want to be mean but that seems to be the philosophy around that place. None of the teachers are loving or interactive with the kids. I don’t understand how the children are supposed to develop respect for themselves or for adults when the adults show them no respect in the first place. We are having a camp meeting on Wednesday; maybe these issues will be resolved then.

After work Dave, Brittany and I played this weird board game called Ringgz (no joke, that’s how it’s spelled). I lost every game so obviously I decided it would be more fun to throw the pieces at each other than to play the real game. I was right. And I should also say that I completely dominated Dave.

Oh and the boy’s name is not Windmill, though everyone calls him that. His name is Woodmire. It’s just one of those names that parents should never pick out for their kids.

Bad mood

I was in a bad mood yesterday. I wrote a post but decided that it was too emo for anyone to ever read. Some interesting points/questions came up however. I’ll just give the highlights.

- Is God trying to tell me that I should be working with children? Why do I always find myself volunteering for or participating in such activities?

- I need to prioritize the summer and make goals. Who is this summer really about? How can I make it so that I am not only fulfilling the job that is required of me but being fulfilled by it?

- I really do like going to meetings.

- My irritability does not give me the right to be rude to others.

On the good side, our apartment is finally finished. We went grocery shopping and it’s like we actually live here now. Here are pictures.

This is our kitchen and "dining room"

This is my room. The bed is unmade :(

Brittany and I again proved that we are good at making copies. We went into work at 1:00 pm, finished our work by 2:00 pm and then sat around until 3:00 when we were supposed to go to the after school program. Give me more to do please, thanks.

Too-Can had a free day since it was Friday. The kids were allowed to play outside for the two hours after snack time. The teachers were less than interactive. They let the kids run around the playground and simply sat there. I understand that they do this everyday and it gets tiring, but isn’t it their job to play with the kids? Or at least watch them intently? Maybe it’s just a different style of child rearing. The kids are much tougher. When one girl got hit in the face with a jump rope she looked sad for only a minute before I asked her if she was okay, and then she just went back to playing. The makeshift jump rope was made out of thin plastic wire so it really did hurt to get hit by it especially at the speed we were turning it. It’s also hard for us to know what is allowed and what isn’t. We have been thrown into this situation at the end of the school year. We were not given any list of rules or any instructions besides being told to watch them. I was playing with them during free time in a classroom and I don’t have a problem with kids be loud when it’s appropriate. The teacher yelled them to calm down though which was embarrassing because I was the reason they were being loud. I also have no background information on these kids. I know some of them have specific learning disabilities as well as other kinds of emotional or behavioral problems. It’s hard to know what kinds of games a kid can handle when you don’t know them at all. I’m just glad that they will have name tags during camp. Some of the kid’s names are difficult to pronounce and when they say them so quickly it makes it impossible to remember. I swear this one boy’s name is Windmill. That’s all I can make out from what he says. I don’t want to yell it and make a fool out of myself but if it gets his attention…

My jump rope skills did come in handy though. Like I mentioned we made a jump rope out of some plastic threading we found on the ground. The kids really seemed to like it. I wish we could have done double-dutch. That was my favorite in elementary school.

Our Friday night was pretty kickin! Brittany and I found that it’s hard to play any two-person card games. Jack wasn’t interested in playing and Go Fish just isn’t fun with two of us. We took some weird pictures though so I’ll post those. I’ve also added some pictures to previous entries. So check ‘em out!

$20 Target Giftcard

Today was our first full day of work. Brittany and I went down the LCFS St. Paul’s office and were put right to work. Lyn Lember, our supervisor, sat us down to talk about the camp we will be working with. She is in charge of six after school programs and two summer camps all under the name Too-Can. Lyn was very blunt with us. She told us that the two interns they had last year were simply unprepared for what they would be doing and then recounted tales of horror children that needed to be physically restrained to the ground and after punching staff members. She told us that 1/3 of the camp kids would be attending through a grant specifically for children with emotional, physical, or behavioral disabilities. Seeing as my most challenging camper at LOMF was one boy who probably had undiagnosed ADD, this made me a bit nervous, but I really do appreciate her honesty. After our debriefing we were put to work sorting back-packs, water bottles, and t-shirts that will be distributed to the campers. It seems like adults are always surprised at how quickly teens and young adults can do assembly line style tasks. We were no exception and finished that within an hour or two. Then we made copies of schedules and health forms. This copy machine was pretty killer… should I be impressed with a copy machine? No, but if we spend anymore time in an office you will soon hear about my undying love for office supplies.

Brittany and I went to a chicken restaurant called “Save More Chicken” that was run by an Asian man. $3.50 for a soda, two pieces of chicken, a side, and a biscuit. Who says this city is expensive? We walked to a park across the street and to a Floridian it was freezing outside; only 65 degrees. Brr!

The public schools get out around 3:00 pm and that’s when we went over the after school program. We walked in to see the kids finishing with snack time and then we went into the library for homework/free time. The last day of school here is next Tuesday so only two kids had homework. I played (and got beat at) Connect Four multiple times. There were a few girls that were dancing and I mean really dancing. This girl could pop and lock better than Justin Timberlake. The kids were pretty wild, but what kids aren’t? I just hope I can be assertive enough for them to listen to me. I think the biggest challenge will be learning everyone’s name. Of course these kids will not all be going to summer camp but many of them will. I also tried to meet some of the parents as they were picking up their kids, smiles all around.

Working with them for only a few hours was tiring. I can’t imagine how tired I will be after a full day of camp. I think it will be good though. I know that I will fall in love with these kids by the end of the summer, or even by the end of a week.

The most challenging part of the day came after work however. Brittany and I walked in to our apartment expecting everything to be fixed, as promised. I don’t have to tell you that the refrigerator is still stuck up against the wall and the oven is still not hooked up. I was very angry. We went right over to the office and walked into a meeting that Allen, the on site manager, was having with what we learned to be the property manager. I was assertive without being mean and expressed my genuine feelings. I told her that we have been waiting for 5 days and that I was trying not to be rude as I was very, very upset. She said she could tell. I gave her both my number and Brittany’s and got her direct phone number, as well as a confirmation that everything would be done by noon tomorrow. She decided since we were so upset that she would also give us a $20 Target gift card. If I need to go down there everyday and get free money I’ll do it, but I would really just like for everything to be the way they should be. It can’t feel like home until we get all moved in.

I’m really excited to go to worship on Sunday. I haven’t been in a few weeks now. Can’t wait to see how Pastor Kopp preaches with his news anchor voice. I think they are going to introduce us to the congregation. I don’t think he’ll ask us to say anything, at least I hope not. I’m also hoping that the congregation has some members that are under the age of 50. I know they have a very strong senior ministry there but that’s all I’ve heard about. Dave is going home this weekend so Brittany and I are trying to think of things to do together. Probably the first thing will be spending our gift card on something completely unnecessary and fun. I’m kind of in the mood to see a movie which doesn’t happen much so we should probably go. I really need to go running. It’s hard to justify to some people but I just don’t feel right if I haven’t gone on my run or done some kind of exercise. I don’t know if it would just be stupid to go running alone or if I would be alright. We’re not in center city or anything. It’s all neighborhoods back here and people seem to walk a lot. I have a theory that none of the equipment in our so-called fitness center actually works and the reason they keep telling me that they “can’t find an extra key yet” is so that they can charge more for having it.

Also, we went to Target to buy more things for the apartment and it was two stories tall! We went up the escalator and they had a place where you could hook your cart on and take it upstairs. I was excited!

Philly Cheese Steak!

I’m still not sleeping well. I woke up this morning kind of dizzy so that was weird. I think something must go off at 5:30 every morning because that’s when I keep waking up. Still no refrigerator and we learned that our oven is also down for the count. Otherwise everything with the apartment is good. We finally went grocery shopping. The stores around here are certainly nothing like a Publix. They have more of a Sam’s Club feel, with concrete floors and such. It’s nice to have some food around though.

Today was more touring around Philadelphia. We saw two offices involved with LCFS; one worked primarily with their foster care program and the other was attached to a group home for gay youth from the city. I was impressed with the group home. It’s hard to imagine living in one when I am so used to living in my own house, but this seemed very positive. It provided a lot of opportunities for the kids, including public schools, a wellness center, life skills training, and opportunities to serve of youth councils and other public service committees. We met one of the residents who told us about a committee she worked on that will be putting on an event this Saturday. Unfortunately she talked very quickly and I had a hard time understanding what the event was for but I did hear her say that they had some big names coming in such as Bill Cosby and Jill Scott. The home’s goal is independence for the residents and they provide as many services as they can to reach that goal. Behind the house was a beautiful community garden as well. The strawberries they were growing looked perfect and anyone who had Mr. Wagner’s 11^th grade biology with me knows that strawberries are not that easy to grow. They had a mural on the side of the building made of glass and ceramic pieces that was just beautiful. Pictures to come.

It started raining soon after that but we did have time for me to have my first Philly cheese steak at Pat’s Famous Steaks. It was great. Another thing that I thought was interesting was the number of performing and creative arts schools around. There was The Rock School of Dance and the Philadelphia Creative and Performing Arts School within two blocks of each other. While we drove by some of the historic district stuff we didn’t really get to see anything other than people running around due to the torrential rain.

I think the lack of sleep is beginning to stress me out. I’m trying to keep my patience with things and also trying to remember to take time out for myself to just be alone. I think this journal/blog is helping with that. I would really like to go for a run or work out but we haven’t gotten a key for the gym yet. I think that will probably help with the sleeping issues as well. I think I need to remember the things that I wrote in my personal covenant for the summer. There are things that I want to remember to keep with me and things that I want to try to keep out.

Keep In: Willing heart and hands

Positive, can-do attitude

Tolerance/acceptance

Standards

Watchful eye for those in any need

Even temper

Spontaneity

An open mind

Keep Out: The urge to cut myself off from people

Anxieties due to lack of confidence

The urge to take the easy road

Selfishness

Judgment

Disrespect for others

So far there are things that I’ve let in that I want to keep out and vice versa. It’s a good reminder to write it out again.

Long Days, Short Nights

I guess I didn’t sleep very well last night. I was dragging through most of the morning. We went to the Lutheran Children and Family Services (LCFS) office located in St. Paul’s Lutheran today. We all got ID Badges so I guess that makes us official now. We met a lot of people including Lynn, who will be Brittany’s and my supervisor for the summer. Good first impression. We also got a schedule of the “Too-Can” day camp we will be helping in. If I were in elementary school I would definitely want to attend this camp. Every Thursday we will be going on trips to various places in the city. There is also swimming time every day!

After our visit at LCFS we went to a thrift shop to pick up some more items for the apartment, mostly just kitchen supplies. It was a really great store though. There was a huge selection of furniture. We went to a Mexican Restaurant for lunch that was pretty decent and had some interesting conversation. I told Bill about my Catcom experience and he thought that investing in a camera and some editing equipment might be beneficial for the summer. If that could be our special project I would be very excited. The other idea is presenting disaster response and preparedness to the kids, though I don’t know how well that would go over.

After lunch we went to a meeting of Liberty Lutheran Services of Philadelphia which is the umbrella company that LCFS is affiliated with. LLS does lots of other ministries for people of all ages. LCFS handles children and middle ages while they have a few other places that are geared for elderly and elderly with health issues. It was really good to finally figure out how LLS works. They talked mostly about branding the company and decided that each of the affiliate companies should have their own angle of advertising rather than branding Liberty as a whole.

We were moved into a different apartment with a working shower. It’s just down the hall so it wasn’t much of a hassle. However this apartment has its own set of issues. The refrigerator does not fit into the cabinetry and is sitting in the middle of the room. Not to mention that it smells like rotting fish inside. Also, the brand new over is not hooked up. I would consider attempting to set it up if it was possible for me to move it. I’m not as strong as I look. There is no wireless to steal in this apartment; either that or they are on to me. My start screen has turned into an advertisement for EarthLink WiFi. If you are reading this on the internet then that means I broke down and paid for the service.

We also fulfilled our duty as typical white college students and played some Frisbee in the front parking lot. Only hit one car and there was no damage.

Feels Like Today

I woke up this morning at 4:15 to make it to my flight at 7 leaving from Tampa International. There were very few people in the airport so it was a breeze (though TIA is arguably the best airport in America so this fact shouldn’t be surprising). I love going through airports alone, it makes me feel like I could be going anywhere and that’s exciting. The first flight was fine and I landed in Atlanta to get my connecting flight. I got out at terminal A and had to reboard at terminal C. There was a tram that would take you to all the terminals or you could walk. Thinking that this would be my only exercise for the day I decided I would walk. The sign said 1000 ft, which really isn’t too far. So I start walking and the next sign still says that terminal C is 1000 ft away. I didn’t think too much of it until the next sign said 1000 ft. Then I started noticing how heavy my computer bag was and how much I needed to use the bathroom. So after however many thousands of feet I walked I made it to terminal C, used the bathroom and boarded nearly 10 minutes afterward. Good timing.

The flight to Harrisburg was in a tiny plane, only 12 rows. The man who was sitting next to me was trying to make conversation but obviously wasn’t listening for my answers. I told him that I was working in Philadelphia for the summer and that my friend, who I’d be living with was going to pick me up. Then he asked me how I was going to adjust to Philadelphia, so I assumed he was talking about living in a city, but then he said, “What about the winter?” So instead of correcting him I just went along with it. I’m pretty sure that by the end of the ride he thought that I was moving to Philly permanently and possibly getting married.

Brittany was waiting when I arrived in Harrisburg. That airport is really nice and new. Of course there are maybe 12 gates so there’s not a lot of traffic in and out. We packed up and headed down the PA turnpike toward East Philadelphia. We got a little mixed up getting to the apartment as part of our directions included the sentence, “Go a few blocks up and make a left when you can…” but overall we made it fine. The apartment is basically exactly like Beaty Towers at UF except we each get our own room. Found out that our shower is only a dribble but luckily Dave and Jack are living just across the hall so I could use their shower to get the airport off of me. Hopefully we’ll be able to get that fixed soon. Also, there are no outlets in the bathroom… what is that?

So after wasting a bunch of time in the apartment we all headed over to Bill Erat’s house. He is the coordinator for our work this summer. We also met the pastor who would be our mentor while we are here. Both of their wives are very nice and we had a cookout in their backyard that was fantastic. The Erat’s house is exactly the house that I want. It was built in the 1920’s with great wooden floors and window casings. An eclectic mix of art and antiques hung around and when I walked in Take the A Train was playing, how perfect.

So far, Philadelphia is still new and fun. I can’t wait to see more of it tomorrow.

I really saw God today in the conversation we had around dinner. These people are so caring and really doing something about the need in this city. Before dinner we prayed to be aware and to keep in mind the needs of others. I don’t know why I have never prayed this before. Working in Costa Rica during spring break was really a shock for me. There is such great need in the world that we do not even realize. No one knows of the plight of the Bribri tribe in central Costa Rica. We advocate for Free Trade agreements that sound great for us but there is no face to the people that it will be hurting. The small farmers that can barely provide for themselves have no chance of making a profit anywhere else. I feel somewhat ashamed that I have forgotten that lesson so soon. But it makes me excited to be able to do work here and hopefully make an impact on the children I’ll be working with and also letting them make an impact on me.